Dating Someone Who Drinks Too Much: Signs and How to Get Help

Dating someone who drinks too much can be a distressing situation. Perhaps you have a partner who is often intoxicated, relying on you as a designated driver, or who is failing to attend events due to excessive alcohol use. These situations could be a sign that you are dating someone who has a problematic relationship with alcohol. Unfortunately, alcohol misuse or addiction—clinically referred to as alcohol use disorder (AUD)—can lead to adverse mental and physical consequences, for both the person who drinks and their partner.^{1, 2, 3}

This article will help you understand the signs your partner may have a drinking problem, how alcohol affects relationships, and what you can do to help.

Signs Your Partner May Have a Drinking Problem

Problematic alcohol use can include alcohol misuse and alcohol use disorder (AUD).² The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) defines alcohol misuse as drinking in any amount, frequency, manner, or situation that may cause harm to a person and the people around them.² Alcohol misuse includes binge drinking, excessive drinking, and high-intensity drinking.² In some cases, this may also result in alcohol poisoning or overdose.

AUD is a chronic but treatable health condition characterized by compulsive alcohol use, despite experiencing health, occupational, and social consequences from drinking.² AUD can range from mild to severe.²

It’s important to remember that only a qualified healthcare professional can diagnose problematic drinking or an AUD. However, if you are concerned and want to know “is my boyfriend an alcohol addict”, or if you are dating someone who drinks too much, there are several behavioral and physical signs and symptoms of alcohol misuse you can be aware of.

Behavioral signs may include but are not limited to:^{4, 5}

• Regular, heavy alcohol use.
• Polysubstance use (the use of 2 or more substances).
• Poor personal hygiene.
• Poor nutrition.
• Accidents, falls, or other injuries.
• Absenteeism from school or work.

Physical signs may include but are not limited to:^{4, 5}

• Problems with coordination.
• Fast heart rate.
• Sweating.
• Fatigue.
• Insomnia.
• Diarrhea, nausea, and/or vomiting.
• Memory problems.
• Tremor.
• Seizure.

How Dating Someone With a Drinking Problem Can Affect You

Problematic use of alcohol impacts the person drinking but can also affect their loved ones, meaning there are direct links between alcohol and relationships. Having a spouse who misuses alcohol or dating someone with an alcohol addiction can lead to:⁶

• Relationship conflicts.
• Interpersonal violence.
• Jealousy.
• Financial difficulties.
• Infidelity.
• Separation.

A notable proportion of violence, including intimate partner violence (IPV), is related to the problematic use of alcohol.⁷ Studies have shown that in cases of IPV, male partners were drinking alcohol in approximately 45% of cases, while women perpetrating IPV had been drinking in about 20% of cases.⁷ Research also suggests that intimate partner violence involving alcohol use leads to increased severity of injuries as well as the frequency of violence.⁷

What to Do If You Are Dating Someone Who Drinks Too Much

It can be challenging to know how to deal with someone who drinks too much, especially when you care about them deeply. If you’re not sure where to start, these tips can help.

1. Educate yourself about alcohol use disorder. Stay focused on the information you have learned when initiating a conversation with a partner about alcohol misuse. Remember that the disorder is a medical condition—it is not because of a lack of willpower.⁸ Multiple avenues for treatment are available. You can use our directory page to find the type of treatment you are looking for.
2. How to talk to someone who drinks too much: Express your concerns with empathy. It’s important to remain calm and positive, and choose the right time to have this important conversation.⁸
3. Be supportive, remain compassionate, and be present. Instead of making demands of your partner, offer options.⁸
4. Create a plan together. Be emotionally available and express understanding. Identify specific, measurable goals, such as deciding that drinking will be abstained from for a specific number of days a week.⁹
5. When offering help to a partner who misuses alcohol, set a good example. Don’t drink around them, and don’t offer them alcohol. Provide options for activities that do not involve drinking.¹⁰
6. Research treatment options as well as multiple avenues for receiving help. When offering choices, take into consideration your partner’s individual needs, the qualifications of the treatment provider, and whether the treatment is backed by scientific research.⁸ Consider looking for rehab centers for alcohol.
7. Get support for yourself as well. Multiple resources are available for this, including family therapy and individual therapy, as well as Al-Anon groups, which are peer-run support groups for people affected by another’s misuse of alcohol.¹¹

Getting Treatment for a Girlfriend or Boyfriend with AUD

Treatment for AUD encompasses a spectrum of care tailored to individuals’ needs and severity of the condition. These levels of care range from less intensive interventions suitable for individuals with mild symptoms or those seeking initial support to more structured programs designed for individuals with moderate to severe AUD requiring comprehensive treatment and monitoring. The diversity in levels of care ensures that individuals with AUD can access appropriate support and interventions that align with their unique circumstances and treatment goals.

Detox for Alcohol Addiction

Detoxification, commonly referred to as detox, represents the initial phase of treatment for alcohol use disorder. This level of care focuses on safely managing withdrawal symptoms as the body clears itself of alcohol. Detox may take place in an inpatient or outpatient setting, depending on the individual’s medical needs and the severity of their withdrawal symptoms.

During detox, medical professionals closely monitor patients and may administer medications to alleviate discomfort and prevent complications associated with withdrawal, such as seizures or delirium tremens. Typically lasting between 3 to 7 days, the duration of detox varies depending on factors such as the individual’s overall health, the extent of their alcohol dependence, and any concurrent medical or psychiatric conditions that may be present.

Inpatient Rehab for Alcohol Addiction

Inpatient rehabilitation for alcohol addiction provides a structured and immersive environment for individuals to address their alcohol use disorder in a supportive setting. Typically lasting for 30, 60, or 90 days, although duration can vary based on individual needs, inpatient rehab programs offer intensive therapy and comprehensive care to help individuals achieve sobriety and develop essential skills for long-term recovery.

These programs often incorporate a variety of evidence-based therapies, including cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), group therapy, family therapy, and holistic approaches such as mindfulness and meditation. Through individualized treatment plans, clients receive tailored interventions to address their specific needs, including dual diagnosis treatment for co-occurring mental health disorders. Inpatient rehab also provides a structured daily schedule that includes educational sessions, recreational activities, and support groups, fostering a supportive community that encourages peer connection and accountability along the recovery journey.

Outpatient Programs for AUD

Outpatient programs for AUD offer flexible treatment options that allow individuals to receive support while maintaining their daily routines and responsibilities. These programs vary in intensity and duration, ranging from weekly therapy sessions to more intensive programs with multiple sessions per week.

Outpatient treatment typically involves a combination of individual therapy, group therapy, and educational sessions aimed at addressing the underlying issues contributing to AUD and developing coping skills for relapse prevention. The structure of outpatient programs allows individuals to receive ongoing support and guidance as they work towards sobriety, while also offering the flexibility to accommodate their personal and professional commitments.

Finding Alcohol Rehabs for Boyfriend or Girlfriend

If you are concerned that your girlfriend or boyfriends drinks too much, call our free, confidential helpline at for more information about rehab. Our facilities offer a wide range of treatment programs across the United States, including medical detox centers, inpatient treatment programs, and outpatient rehab facilities.

You can look at the facilities listed below to see if they provide the program you are looking for:

• California: Laguna Treatment Center
• Florida: Recovery First Treatment Center
• Florida: River Oaks Treatment Center
• Nevada: Desert Hope Treatment Center
• Mississippi: Oxford Treatment Center
• Texas: Greenhouse Treatment Center

For those who have insurance, using health insurance to pay for rehab should cover at least some of the cost of addiction treatment. Coverage may vary depending on your needs and insurance plan. To find out if your policy covers rehab, click here, or fill out the form below. Your information is kept 100% confidential. You can also click here to find a rehab near me.

Dating Someone with an AUD FAQs